he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
