I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
