You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
