she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
