Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
