If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
