She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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