You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
