Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
