Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
