I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
