I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
