dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I've blown a few things in my day
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
