Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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