White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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