Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
