Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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