My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
