Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
