just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
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The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Help. Why am I so naked?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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