how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
