i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
