The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
