i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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