Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
