it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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