you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
