I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
