i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
