Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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