Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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