God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
