Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
