Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
