I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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