atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
