life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
