If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
