Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
