i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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