oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
