i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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