True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
