Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
