Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am naked and annoyed.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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