It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There r osticjed everywhere
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
