from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
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i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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