Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
