shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
