a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
