I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
