Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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