The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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