im drinking this country out of the recession.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He better not be in your backpack
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
