so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
