I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
