She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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