Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
