I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
