i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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