i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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