i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
