marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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