If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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