Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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