Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Randomize
