This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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